Pat Griffin interviews Hank Weintraub, a gay water polo player, who is a senior at Brown University and a member of Our Group, a support and advocacy organization for LGBT collegiate athletes and their friends.
PG: What athletic accomplishments are you most proud of?
HW: I lead my team in points, assists, and steals. Indeed, I might lead the NCAA in assists (stats are not published for all schools). But what I’m most proud of is my drive—for all that I’ve accomplished, I’m naturally one of the shortest, smallest, weakest guys, and I compensate by working the hardest and playing the smartest water polo I can.
PG: How did you come out to your teammates? Your coaches?
HW: I was out before college started, so I was out on Facebook. My teammates saw that long before they met me. As for the coaches, I talked about a guy in the same way my teammates talked about girls when it came up in conversation. That I don’t even remember how I came out to my coaches shows how little stress was attached to it.
PG: How does your experience of competing as an openly gay athlete compare to competing while closeted?
HW: When I was closeted in high school, I was so stressed, both in and out of the pool, that I was always distracted. Where I used to play to avoid making mistakes, now I can play to succeed. I used to be hesitant to shoot, but now I attack more confidently.
PG: What do your teammates/coaches do to support and include you as an openly gay teammate?
HW: Most of my support comes in the form of integration. There have been a few moments where someone has told me that I was the first openly gay person he knew well, but by and large, I am most comfortable just being one of the guys.
PG: Have you had any negative experiences in athletics since coming out?
HW: I have. In high school, after I came out, I found myself quietly ostracized by the rest of the team. Seeking their support, I told my three closest friends on the team. Each, for his own reasons, moved away from me after I came out to him. When I came out publicly, all my teammates were polite to my face but otherwise unavailable. Since then, the greatest challenge has been full integration with my current team. While I—thankfully—sense no homophobia, I still feel some distance between me and my teammates, all of whom are straight. Not that I lack friends on the team, but there are some situations where our personalities do not mesh. An example might be that my teammates enjoy watching a basketball game during lunch. I would rather have a conversation, but failing that, I would rather sit with someone else. The distance is double-sided—I don’t understand why they don’t want to talk, and they don’t understand why I don’t want to watch the game.
PG: What advice do you have for other LGBT athletes who are thinking about coming out to their coaches or teammates?
HW: Be who you are and say what you think, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter. Dr. Seuss had it right—once you have gauged that you are not facing a dangerous or overtly hostile situation, I have found it best to act with confidence. When you present yourself with confidence, others are more likely to react positively.
PG: How can teammates and coaches best support LGBT team members?
HW: For teammates: Be a good friend, just as you would for any other friend. The names may be different, but the issues remain the same. Whether your teammate has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a good teammate—and a good friend—gives support in the same way. For coaches: create an atmosphere where the team behaves supportively. A coach should forbid homophobic language—both for himself and for the team. Most importantly, a coach should treat all athletes with equal respect and dignity
PG: What recommendations do you have for athletic departments or coaches about making athletics respectful and inclusive for LGBT people?
HW: The biggest challenge that I have seen is that of education. Most coaches want their players to succeed both as athletes and as people. The problem is not that coaches do not want to help; the problem is that coaches do not know how to help. An athlete struggling to come out is a unique set of issues, and schools have the responsibility to bring in educators and to combat homophobia.
PG: What initiatives has your school taken to make athletics a safe and respectful place for LGBT athletes and coaches?
HW: While Brown is generally a liberal, gay-friendly school, athletics have been lagging behind the rest of the school in their approach towards the queer population. On the whole, athletes are far more homophobic than the rest of the campus. I have heard (rumors only) of an assistant coach pressured into the closet by a head coach’s attitude. The only on-campus initiative I know of (besides inviting you to speak on campus) has been the LGBT athlete group I started. That said, I think Brown has started making an effort to improve. Not only did you speak to coaches, but (from what I hear) the administration was eager to fund my fellowship research. I spent the summer doing qualitative research to determine what Ivy coaches and administrators can do to improve gay athletes’ experiences.
PG: Thanks, Hank, for taking time to talk with me. Good luck and Congratulations on graduation.