Published: November 28, 2001
As a 55-year-old man, I am challenged, learn and am ultimately inspired by the women's sports movement. That has been the case since I became involved as a member of the National Advisory Board of the Women's Sports Foundation in the mid-1980s. However, it has taken on added meaning as I watch and dream with Emily, our 11-year-old girl. In addition, my 26-year-old daughter Chamy has just given birth to Taylor, our first grandchild, who happens to be a granddaughter. I'm listening. I hope other fathers and grandfathers are doing the same. We benefit from women and girls playing sport. That women and girls benefit from participation in sport is pretty much of a no-brainer. They're smarter, healthier, more self-confident and on and on.
What about us men? I usually hear how women's sport takes away from men by forcing the elimination of men's programs. I rarely hear anyone say how women's sport benefits us. It does. When we give ourselves the chance, we enjoy watching women and girls play sport. The players are having fun, are very competitive and are good sports. They are great athletes. That's the least of it.
When Chamy went to college I worried about her getting the right courses, having good professors, becoming prepared for a career and meeting good friends. When Emily is ready I will worry about all those things and about her safety. I need to – 1 in 6 college coeds will be the victim of rape or attempted rape. I will be happier if she hangs around with guys who appreciate women's sports because studies show that they are less likely to be abusive, violent and misogynistic. They are more likely to share the pressures of life and family with their wives and not follow the old “caretaker” model of the male shouldering all the financial burdens while the women run the home resulting in more balanced and less stressful lives for the whole family. Those are characteristics of what I want as a future son-in-law. Talk about the benefits of women and girls playing sports. The notion makes sense. Guys who like sports themselves and follow women's sports will grow up valuing women for their skills and abilities in yet another arena.
As a father, I am sorry I didn't try to help the fight earlier so women in Chamy's generation would have thought their chances were wide open to play high school and college sport. I am fighting now because I know it is right and because I want to be sure our Emily has no barriers. I want Emily to be coming home from college in 10 years to cheer on the sidelines for Taylor in a youth sport game.
I am also fighting because I see that the opportunity for parents to spend quality time with their children seems to be an ever-declining phenomenon. I am very close to Emily. I am also close to her brother, Joe, and sister, Chamy; but they are grown and living their own lives. My wife, Ann, and I still have some precious time with Emily. Ann has made me aware of how important it is to be there for any significant event for Emily. Last year I changed the dates of two important meetings of the Center for the Study of Sport in Society's Development Council, the Center's major fund-raising group, so I could attend two of Emily's swim meets. Guess what? When I told the members of the Council why I was changing the dates, they got even more involved in our work!
Best of all, I can come home in the afternoon and shoot baskets with Emily or kick a soccer ball. As the ball moves around the driveway, we talk and I learn more about her day at school than the typical response of “good” to the question of "How was your day?" I learn about her friends and what she respects in them or why others disappoint her. As her shot goes silently through the net and she goes “oooohhh!” I feel her confidence growing. As my shot clangs off the rim and ricochets into the grass, she really hears me say for the fifth time that day how much I love her and how proud I am of who she is. A tear wells in my eye when she says “ditto.”
Emily went to Trinity Prep this year. Trinity is one of the best schools in Central Florida. It was a big decision, and she was not sure that it was the best choice. Truth be told, Ann and I also wondered. Sports are important at Trinity. Emily decided on her own to go out for swimming. We were worried about what it would be like for a sixth-grader on a JV/high school team. This was Florida where swimming is big time. “Coach Rich” told us that as a sixth-grader, “if she could swim across the pool, she'd make the team.” In the tryouts, everyone swam 32 laps, while Ann and I sat incredulously watching our girl push herself harder than we knew she could. Coach Rich had judged the situation and asked not only what he could expect but challenged each swimmer to do her best.
The Trinity girls finished second in the state. At the end of the year, Emily won two awards. From her teammates, she was named “the sweetest angel.” Her coaches named her the most improved. More importantly, she started as a student at a new school knowing others girls from her sixth grade through high school seniors on her team. She loves Trinity and has had a great year.
Yes, men benefit from women's sports. The very best part is that my relationship with Emily is even closer because of her interest in sport. I hope the same will be true with our new granddaughter.
My father was the coach of the Knicks and St John's and an original Celtic. When John Thomas, president of Maloof Sports and Entertainment, sent Chamy a WNBA Monarchs uniform as a baby gift, Chamy wrote back that maybe Taylor might have the Lapchick genes and someday earn a Monarchs uniform herself. As a sentimentalist, I would surely benefit from that connection to a pro sports league that my father helped found, great-grandfather to great-granddaughter.
Will it be easy? Not until we help smash the remaining barriers to full gender equality in sport. As men who also benefit, we have to join the women fighting for their rights. Let's all fight this so everyone's Emily will not have to face a college sports landscape where men's athletics still outspends women's athletics two-to-one in scholarships and three-to-one in expenses and recruiting.
Life will be better for all of us.