By Craig Clifford and Randolph Feezell
Among the greatest problems faced by youth-league coaches or for that matter, virtually any non-professional coach, are problems associated with parents of players. Of course, it’s difficult for parents to understand why little Kaitlin is not a regular starter, despite the fact that her batting average is far below the Mendoza line, her arm strength is like a pop-gun, and she couldn't catch a beach ball if you lobbed it to her. (But she runs so fast!) For our purposes, though, let’s consider parent problems related to sportsmanship. What if Kaitlin is the best player, but she's obnoxious to teammates, coaches, opposing players, umpires. John Rosemond, where are you when we need you? How did Kaitlin get like this? What can be done? Let’s assume her parents are not like the ones who criticize and yell from the stands, publicly berate the coach, head butt the referee, etc. They want some help in changing the behavior of their child. For parents who want to raise a good sport, here are some suggestions:
1. Expect Respect
Parents are wise to expect respect from their youngsters for opponents, teammates, coaches, and officials. The sandbox is not too early a place to start. We readily accept the idea that to a great extent you get what you expect when it comes to athletic performance. Why not apply the same idea to respect and moral character?
2. Be a Role Model
Your actions and attitudes speak volumes. Be a good role model in your own behavior toward players, coaches, and officials. That doesn’t mean you can only espouse standards that you yourself live up to perfectly, but children do pay attention to the actions of people they look up to.
3. Reinforce Good Sportsmanship
Reward good sportsmanship, and develop guidelines for dealing with unsportsmanlike behavior. Good sportsmanship deserves praise, and bad sportsmanship should have consequences.
4. Encourage a Wider Perspective
Help your child to take the perspective of other participants in sports, to walk in others’ shoes. How would you feel if…? Can you imagine what it would be like to…? The Golden Rule only works if you can imagine yourself in someone else’s place.
5. Use the Language of Sportsmanship
The following words resonate with the true spirit of the game: character, integrity, class, dignity, respect, sportsmanship, honor, humility. Don’t be afraid to use them. They carry more weight than you might expect. Children won’t learn what they mean if you don’t use them.
6. Discuss the Two Sides of Sports
Talk about its competitive and its playful aspects. Yes, children must learn to compete hard, but don’t let them forget they are playing games with intrinsic rewards. To say they are intrinsic rewards means they come from the very act of playing the game well, whatever the outcome, whatever the external rewards.
7. Look Beyond the Headlines
Discuss news stories and TV clips related to sportsmanship both good and bad with your child. What they see on TV does indeed affect them, but you have a great deal to do with how they see what’s on TV, how they evaluate it, think about it, react to it.
8. Promote Sportsmanship Reflectiveness
Ask questions of your youngster that encourage reflection on real-life sports experiences. We ask them to think about why they had a bad or good game; we can also ask them to think about their sports experiences from the perspective of sportsmanship.
9. Encourage Personal Responsibility
The winner-loser mentality often is expressed in whining and excuses on the one hand and boasting and worse on the other. Encourage personal responsibility through a wider understanding of sports. This includes accepting the situations and circumstances you are dealt, even if you didn’t cause them.
10. Help Your Child Remember to Play
Nurture in your child the spirit of play. Remember: if it ain’t fun, it ain’t worth it.
This article was reprinted from the February 2004 edition of the Athletes for a Better World newsletter. For more information, visit http://www.abw.org/.